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Ironclad (2011)

Slava Varyvoda — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 21:49:06 +0000

Review

“What a tedious little man!” snarls Brian Cox after dealing-slash-politicking against Paul Giamatti for the hearts and minds of the British peasantry. Far from it, to enjoy Ironclad is to embrace one of the most ridiculous, yet delightful moments of over-the-top royalty since Graham Chapman and the Pythons (clearly a film that Ironclad is subtly nodding at while its plethora of arterial sprays and limb severings, even as it plays everything else decidedly straight.) Giamatti and Cox join a host of celebrated english capital “A” actors such as Charles Dance and Derek Jacobi along to occasionally bark at each other through its orgy of violence. The film is hilarious, yet deadly earnest, the type of bloody heroic wet dream of 14 year olds, with the type of posturing put forth by the WWE or Mel Gibson.
Without missing a beat, Johnathan English’s Ironclad picks up right where Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood left off. It is certainly not an official sequel, but golly, it could be the swaggering, slightly drunken, trashier sibling if you swap in a scowling James Purfoy for a scowling Russel Crowe. King John (Giamatti) has signed the Magna Carta, but at the behest of the Pope in Rome has declared the document invalid and is marching across the land with a small army of Danish mercenaries, killing all the Barons who signed it. In the meantime, the Archbishop of Canterbury (Dance), orders one of the few remaining Baron Cox) and the best Knight Templar (Purefoy) in the land and orders them to defend Rochester Castle at all costs. (As Rochester goes, so goes England). Failing to raise an army, only a few ragtag adventurers and scoundrels (from the Office’s Mackenzie Crook to the ubiquitous Jason Flemying who seems contractually obliged to be in all of these types of movies), they arrive at Rochester just as John and his army show up. Thus for well over half of the two hour duration, the film is an action packed castle siege film that pits about 20 men against several hundred, and bravery, blood and battle over anything resembling restraint or good taste.
A romantic subplot is clumsily shoe-horned between the local Lord’s (Jacobi channelling Claudius without the stutter) young and unsatisfied wife, played tediously and far to prettily by Kate Mara and the chaste Templar mainly her stroking his sword, while he hastily tries to put it back into the scabbard. No, I’m not kidding. It’s comedy gold. Why this is going while on a dozen or so survivors are being starved to death by the encircling army both look hale and pretty and movie star like. Mainly though, the Knight Templar wants to stick is sword into swarthy the swarthy Dane (Vladimir Kulich) and there is an epic sweaty tango there, but I don’t think the (t)horny metaphor is on hand for that one. But a movie like this is not aiming to be high art, it is going to entertain with over-the-top acts of heroism and beating the enemy over the head with his own severed arm. On that count, the film delivers in an very old-school, matinee fashion. Sir Brian Cox’s squire upon the witnessing the bloody first defense of Rochester’s walls comments, “Nobody could recover after witnessing bloodshed such this as this.” But when the film earns a few unintentional laughs at the earnestness to which it strives for but never quite achieves, you will likely recover and ask for more! You may even want to gather a few of your movie going mates by your side and some over-sized beers to enjoy the slick carnage. Ironcladis unpretentious entertainment loudly realized by falling on the sword of its own pretentiousness. Somehow by the end of the film it has hit all of its cliche (yet fist pumping) character notes, done everything you might expect of it, only to win you aboard. With David Gordon Green’s Your Highness coming out to take the piss out of this type self-serious fantasy movie, Jonathan English has proven that you can have your cake and eat it too.

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Source Code (2011)

Slava Varyvoda — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 09:11:22 +0000

Review

Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) is a decorated army helicopter pilot whose last memory is of his recent mission in Afghanistan, flying with his team while taking on enemy gunfire. He awakens on a train headed for Chicago with no memory of how he arrived there. His reflection is of a different man and his wallet says his name is Sean Fentress. Sitting across from him is a woman named Christina Warren (Michelle Monaghan) who seems to know him as Fentress. Before he can understand what is happening, a bomb goes off and destroys the train.
Stevens then awakens inside a chamber, where he is greeted through a computer screen by Capt. Colleen Goodwin (Vera Farmiga), an Air Force officer who tells Stevens that he is inside the Source Code, a program that allows him to take over someone’s body in his or her last eight minutes of life. Earlier that day, a bomb exploded and destroyed a train headed into Chicago, the train that Stevens awoke on. Stevens’ mission is to locate the bomb, discover who built it, and report back to Goodwin before the bomber can detonate a second larger bomb, a dirty nuclear device, in downtown Chicago, which could cause the deaths of millions of people.
Stevens is sent back to the train, where he locates the bomb in the ventilation shaft above the bathroom. The bomb explodes again, activated by a cell phone detonator. After the bomb goes off, Stevens sees various blurred images that appear to be fragmented memories from Fentress’s past. Stevens reawakens in the chamber, where Goodwin and the Source Code’s creator, Dr. Rutledge (Jeffrey Wright), tell him that the Source Code is not a simulation, but a visit into the past in the form of an alternative reality. Stevens can perform different actions each time and learn from those actions. He is told that he cannot truly alter the past to save Christina or any of the other passengers, but hopefully the intel he gathers can be used to alter the future and prevent a future attack.
Confused and frustrated, Stevens wonders how he got assigned to this project if it felt like just yesterday he was on mission in Afghanistan. He suspects that Goodwin is not telling him the whole truth when she says that he has been with the Source Code project for two months. Stevens catches a glimpse of Goodwin’s uniform insignia during one debriefing, and discovers where Goodwin and Rutledge are assigned. Using a cellphone, he eventually discovers that he supposedly died in the war two months ago and that his injured body was apparently appropriated by the Air Force and used by Rutledge to enter the Source Code. He was chosen because his physical attributes are a close match to Sean Fentress, and his particular injuries allow him to be connected to the Source Code system, due to half of his brain still being “active”.
Stevens is sent back several more times. Each time he learns more, and each time the bomb goes off he sees fragmented images of what appear to be memories, with warped and curved reflections. During one debriefing Stevens is made to hear an emotional audio statement from his father (Scott Bakula) concerning his death. Stevens resolves to complete his mission, now with the personal goal of saving Christina and the people on the train if at all possible. On one trip he retrieves a gun from the conductor’s compartment on the train and eventually discovers that the bomber is an American extremist named Derek Frost (Michael Arden). Stevens is shot dead in the confrontation, as is Christina, and the bomb on the train goes off, but Stevens was still able to gather enough information about Frost to inform Rutledge and Goodwin after he awakes from the source-code. Authorities are able to apprehend Frost and save Chicago before the second bomb is detonated.
Earlier, Stevens had asked Goodwin and Rutledge to give him one opportunity to try and save all the passengers on the train, and then let him die. Despite Rutledge’s attempts to explain that the source code “doesn’t work that way”, Rutledge agrees to the deal. Now that the mission is over, however, Rutledge reveals his true plan – that Stevens is too valuable to the Source Code project – and, unknown to Stevens, Rutledge orders Stevens’ memory wiped/erased instead. Goodwin feels morally obligated to obey the wishes of Stevens, and breaks the chain of command to send Stevens on one last attempt to successfully avert the train disaster.
With the information he has uncovered from previous sorties, Stevens is able to defuse the bomb and capture Frost before he can destroy the train. Stevens then sends an email to Goodwin, and later makes a phone call to hear his father’s heartfelt voice one last time, telling his father that he was Sean Fentress, a soldier that served with his son and was there when his son died. Frost is arrested by the police and the people on the train are saved. Stevens and Christina kiss in the last seconds before the relived memory ends at the eight-minute mark. At that instant, Goodwin removes Stevens from life support per his request. Back in the alternate reality, to Steven’s surprise, he neither returns to the chamber nor dies. Instead, his mind remains in Sean Fentress’ body, apparently in an alternate timeline where the disaster was averted. Back in the original timeline, Stevens dies immediately when Goodwin cuts the life support.
Stevens—now in Fentress’s body—leaves the train with Christina. While walking together in Millennium Park in Chicago, they come to the Cloud Gate sculpture, and Stevens recognizes the sculpture from the fragmented “memories” he witnessed every time he returned from the source-code. Realizing that he had already seen fragmented images of this “future” portion of the alternate-reality, Stevens asks Christina if she believes in fate.
Still in the alternate timeline, back at Nellis Air Base, Goodwin receives the email sent by Stevens while he was on the train. The message details the averted train crisis, and outlines that it was Stevens and Goodwin and the Source Code project that averted the train disaster. Goodwin, apparently unaware of what had happened in the original timeline, sees reports on television verifying the email’s claims of the averted bombing, and overhears Rutledge being briefed about the bomber and the averted train disaster. Rutledge comments that if the bomber had set off a bomb, it would have been a good opportunity to try the Source Code.

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Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)

Slava Varyvoda — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 07:54:12 +0000

Review

The film begins with the sentencing of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw), a notorious murderer. Between the reading of the sentence and the execution, the story of his life is told in flashback, beginning with his abandonment at birth in a French fish market. Raised in an orphanage, Grenouille grows into a strangely detached boy with a superhuman sense of smell. After growing to maturity as a tanner’s apprentice, he makes his first delivery to Paris, where he revels in the new odors. He focuses on a girl selling plums (Karoline Herfurth) and startles her with his behavior. To prevent her from crying out, he covers the girl’s mouth and unintentionally suffocates her. After realizing that she is dead, he strips her body naked and smells her until the scent fades. Afterwards, Grenouille becomes haunted by the desire to preserve a woman’s scent forever.
After making a delivery to a perfume shop, Grenouille amazes the Italian owner, Giuseppe Baldini (Dustin Hoffman), with his ability to create fragrances. He revitalizes the perfumer’s career with new formulas, demanding only that Baldini teach him how to convert scents into perfume. Baldini explains that all perfumes are harmonies of twelve individual scents, and may contain a theoretical thirteenth scent. He also tells a story about a perfume discovered in an Egyptian tomb that was so perfect that it caused everyone in the entire world to briefly believe they were in paradise the moment the bottle was opened. When Grenouille discovers that Baldini’s method of distillation will not capture the scents of all objects, such as iron chains and dead animals, he becomes depressed. After receiving a letter of presentation written by Baldini, Grenouille leaves to learn a different method in Grasse. En route to Grasse, Grenouille realises that he has no scent of his own, and is therefore a cipher. He decides that creating the perfect smell will prove his worth.
Upon arrival in Grasse, Grenouille catches the scent of Laura Richis (Rachel Hurd-Wood), daughter of the wealthy Antoine Richis (Alan Rickman) and decides that she will be his “thirteenth scent”, the linchpin of his perfect perfume. Grenouille finds a job in Grasse under Madame Arnulfi (Corinna Harfouch) and Dominique Druot (Paul Berrondo) assisting with perfumes and learns the method of enfleurage. He kills a lavender picker and attempts to extract her scent using the method of hot enfleurage, which fails. After this, he tries the method of cold enfleurage on a prostitute and successfully preserves the scent of the woman. Grenouille embarks on a killing spree, murdering beautiful young girls and capturing their scents. He dumps the women’s naked corpses around the city, creating panic. After preserving the first twelve scents, Grenouille plans his attack on Laura. During a church sermon against him it is announced that a man has confessed to the murders. Richis remains unconvinced and flees the city with his daughter. Grenouille tracks her scent to a roadside inn and sneaks into her room that night. The next morning, Richis discovers Laura lying dead in her bed.
Soldiers capture Grenouille moments after he finishes preparing his perfume. On the day of his execution, he applies a drop of the perfume over himself. The executioner and the crowd in attendance are speechless at the beauty of the perfume; they declare Grenouille innocent before falling into a massive orgy. Richis, still convinced at Grenouille’s guilt, threatens him with his sword, before being overwhelmed by the scent and embracing Grenouille as his “son”. Eventually, the town awakens and decides that the godly Grenouille could not have been the murderer. Druot is convicted for the murders and hanged, since it was his backyard where the clothes and hair of the victims were found.
Walking out of Grasse unscathed, Grenouille has enough perfume to rule the world, but has discovered that it will not allow him to love or be loved like a normal person. Disenchanted by his aimless quest and tired of his life, he returns to Paris. Back in the city, Grenouille returns to the fish market where he was born and dumps the perfume on his head. Overcome by the scent and in the belief that Grenouille is an angel, the nearby crowd devours him. The next day, all that is left are his clothes and the open perfume bottle, from which one final drop of perfume falls.

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Insidious (2010)

Slava Varyvoda — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 08:52:25 +0000

Review

The film begins with a mysterious old woman (Philip Friedman) near an ominously lit back window. She smiles and then the screen flashes to black.
A couple, Renai and Josh Lambert (Rose Byrne and Patrick Wilson), and their three kids have recently moved into a new house. One morning, Renai begins looking through a family photo album. Her son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins), joins her. He asks why there are no pictures of Josh when he was a child, which Renai reasons that he has always been camera shy. After Dalton tells Renai he is scared of his new room, she calms him down and stacks a few books on a nearby shelf. Later, after finding those books laying on the floor, Renai tells Dalton to put them back after he looks at them, but Dalton claims that he didn’t touch them. Sometime later, as Dalton is playing, he hears noises in the attic and goes to investigate. He steps on an old ladder to turn on the light when it breaks, causing Dalton to fall. He starts screaming after looking at a shadowy corner. Renai and Josh help him, then tuck him into bed, confident he only took a minor spill and scared himself. The next day Josh goes to wake Dalton, but he doesn’t move. They rush him to the hospital where the doctors say he is in an unexplained coma. 3 months later, still in a coma, they bring Dalton home to care for him there.
Over the next few days, escalating paranormal events begin to occur. One night, after arriving home late, Josh is confronted by Renai about the mysterious happenings in the house, which she claims is haunted. When Josh doesn’t believe her, she shows him a bloody handprint on Dalton’s bedsheets. Shortly afterwards, Renai is almost attacked by a mysterious man in the bedroom, which triggers the house alarm. Josh rushes to Renai, but finds no one else in the room. Unable to ignore what is going on, Josh agrees to move. Moving to a new house proves fruitless for the family, as increasingly violent and supernatural events begin to occur again. Josh’s mother (Barbara Hershey), believing what Renai says about the hauntings, contacts a friend of hers, Elise Reiner (Lin Shaye), who deals in paranormal activity. Later, the family, Elise, and her team, go into Dalton’s room. There, she sees something on the ceiling and describes it to one of her men, who draws it. It turns out to be a dark, demonic figure with a red face.
Elise explains to Renai and Josh that Dalton has the ability to astral project. This means that he can wander around the parallel spirit world, which she calls The Further, and interact with the lost souls of the dead and demons. He does this in his sleep, which he thinks are simply dreams. She also reveals that his astral projection has attracted a very powerful red-faced demon, which has drawn Dalton into The Further and separated him from his body, in the hopes that he can take it over for his evil purposes. Elise and Josh’s mother reveal to the couple that Josh also can astral project, and that he was terrorized by an old spirit during his childhood. Josh’s mother then shows them forgotten pictures from Josh’s childhood. In each picture, a shadowy old woman lurks ever closer behind Josh. The spirit is shown to be the old woman from the beginning of the film. Elise suggests that Josh uses his ability of astral projection to enter the Further and free Dalton’s soul. Josh agrees, and Elise instructs Josh how to enter The Further, which he does successfully. Josh finds Dalton and leads him out, narrowly escaping the red-faced demon. Just before Josh himself escapes, he confronts the old woman, affirming that he is unafraid of her. The old woman retreats and looks to have been scared off. Josh awakens, as does Dalton.
Later, Dalton, Renai, and Josh’s mother are in the kitchen, eating. In the other room, Josh converses with Elise when she notices something strange about him; she grabs a camera from her bag and snaps a picture of him. Suddenly, Josh goes into a rage and strangles Elise. Renai hears the noise and runs into the room to find Elise dead. She calls out to Josh, but receives no answer. She picks up the camera that Elise used from the floor, and screams. She sees, not a picture of Josh, but one of the old woman instead. Just then, Josh grabs Renai’s shoulder. She turns around, gasps, and she starts to run and the screen cuts to black.

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Paul (2011)

Slava Varyvoda — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 12:18:14 +0000

Review

In 2009, Graeme Willy (Simon Pegg) and Clive Gollings (Nick Frost) are two English comic book nerds and best friends who have travelled to America to attend the annual Comic-Con convention. Afterwards, the two take a road trip in their RV to visit all the sites of major extraterrestrial importance. At one stop, Graeme and Clive visit a local café where two hunters confront and accuse them of being gay. In a hurried leave, Clive accidentally reverses the RV into the hunters’ truck, leaving a dent. Later, they see headlights racing up behind them and, believing it to be the hunters, they speed off in their RV. Eventually, the vehicle catches up and they realize it’s just a car. However, the car suddenly wrecks up right in front of them, and rolls off the highway. When Graeme and Clive investigate the crash, they meet and discover an alien named Paul (Seth Rogen) who is in desperate need of their help.
Although shocked by the appearance of Paul, Graeme agrees to give Paul a ride, but Clive is not happy about the idea. Later, Lorenzo Zoil (Jason Bateman), a shady government agent, arrives at the site of the crashed car and informs his mysterious female superior over the radio that he’s closing in on Paul, and she recommends using local law enforcement as back-up. Zoil then recruits two inept FBI agents, Haggard (Bill Hader) and O’Reilly (Joe Lo Truglio), to aid in his mission, without telling them the nature of their target.
Graeme, Clive and Paul pull into a motor park run by Ruth Buggs (Kristen Wiig), a creationist Christian, and her controlling father, Moses (John Carroll Lynch). The trio bond around their campgrill, and Paul reveals that, ever since he was captured by the government, he had been advising them in all manner of scientific and sociological achievements, including giving Steven Spielberg the idea for E.T. and inventing the character of Fox Mulder. However, he discovered that he had outlived his usefulness as a receptacle of knowledge, and the government was now intending to surgically remove Paul’s brain in an attempt to harness his abilities. With help from a friend inside Area 51, Paul sent an S.O.S. to his home planet, and his people were now en route to pick him up. The government pushed up the schedule for Paul’s surgery, however, prompting his rapid escape. The next morning, Paul inadvertently reveals himself to Ruth, and the trio are forced to kidnap her and make a hasty escape. Paul then shatters Ruth’s faith by sharing his knowledge of the universe via telepathic link; at first horrified, Ruth suddenly becomes eager to sin, which her father had raised her to fear doing. She initially doesn’t trust Paul, but he heals her eye, as she has been blind in it since the age of four.
Meanwhile, Zoil, Haggard, and O’Reilly talk to Ruth’s father, who claims she was abducted by a ‘demon’. Haggard finds a drawing of Paul that Graeme did, and becomes suspicious of Zoil’s motives, especially after he accidentally overhears Zoil reporting to his mysterious supervisor over the radio. When Graeme, Clive and Ruth encounter the hunters from earlier, and are saved by Paul, Haggard later has his suspicions confirmed by showing the hunters Graeme’s drawing, which elicits a fearful response. Whilst stopping in a small town, O’Reilly accidentally encounters Paul in a comic book shop, prompting the foursome to flee. When Haggard and O’Reilly tell Zoil what they saw, he pulls a gun on them, and orders them to return to headquarters, before going after the RV on his own. Contrary to his orders, however, the two FBI agents follow Zoil in the same direction.
Eventually, Paul reveals his intention to return to the girl whose dog he crashed his ship on in 1947 and who subsequently saved his life, who is now an old woman, Tara Walton (Blythe Danner). After spending her life being ridiculed for what she said she saw, Tara seems grateful to see that Paul simply exists. She turns her gas cooker on to make tea, but is interrupted by Haggard and O’Reilly on one side of the house, and Zoil on the other. As the motley crew escapes and drives off with Paul, O’Reilly shoots at them, and the gas ignites, destroying the house. A winded Zoil tries to follow, but Haggard takes off first, running Moses (who’d also been tracking the RV) off the road, and catching up to the RV. However, thanks to an error of judgement, Haggard accidentally drives off a cliff, and is seemingly killed, leaving Zoil in hot pursuit. He reassures his superior that he’ll have Paul within an hour, but she declares herself tired of waiting, and informs Zoil that she’s ordered a military response, prompting Zoil to shoot his radio.
When Paul, Graeme, Clive, Ruth and Tara arrive at the rendezvous, they set off a signal and wait. Eventually, eerie orange lights show up over the surrounding trees, and everyone believes that it is Paul’s race. However, it is an army helicopter, with ‘the Big Guy’ (Sigourney Weaver) on board, Zoil’s shadowy superior. As she and three troops move to shoot Paul, Zoil arrives, and it’s revealed that he was Paul’s inside contact who had helped him to escape. Zoil disarms the men, but is shot in the shoulder. Tara punches out ‘the Big Guy’, but Moses appears with a shotgun and shoots Graeme dead. Paul heals him, but inflicts the damage to himself (a possible side effect of his healing powers mentioned earlier in the film). Paul then collapses, exhausted. For a while, the other characters stand around his apparently lifeless body sprawled on the grass. Then, coughing, Paul props himself up, having healed himself. ‘The Big Guy’ regains consciousness, but is immediately crushed by the arriving alien ship. Paul begins to depart and informs Tara that she is going with him to live a better life and bids farewell to his friends hoping to meet them again one day.
Two years later, Graeme, Clive, and Ruth are shown again at a comic convention, promoting their new mega-successful comic book, “Paul”.[3

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Rango (2011)

Slava Varyvoda — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 13:26:50 +0000

Review

Rango (Johnny Depp), a pet chameleon becomes accidentally stranded in the Mojave Desert after his terrarium falls from his owner’s car. After meeting an armadillo named Roadkill (Alfred Molina) who is seeking the mystical Spirit of the West, he narrowly avoids being eaten by a hawk. The next day, after having a surreal nightmare, he meets a desert iguana Beans (Isla Fisher), a rancher’s daughter, who takes him to Dirt, an Old West town populated by desert animals.
Beans discovers that the water reserves, stored in a water-cooler bottle in the bank, are dangerously low. At the Gas Can Saloon, Rango, using bravado and improvisation to fit in, presents himself as a tough drifter. He quickly runs afoul of outlaw Bad Bill (Ray Winstone), narrowly avoiding a shootout when the hawk returns, scaring Bill. The hawk chases Rango until by luck Rango kills the predator by crushing it under an empty water tower he’s accidentally made collapse. In response, the Mayor (Ned Beatty) appoints Rango the new sheriff. A skeptical Beans demands Rango investigate the water problem while the townsfolk worry that the hawk was the only thing keeping gunslinger Rattlesnake Jake from returning to terrorize them.
That night, Rango inadvertently gives some mole robbers the location of the bank and tools to break into the vault. When the townsfolk find their water stolen, Rango organizes a posse that finds bank manager Mr.Merrimack (Stephen Root) dead. They eventually track the robbers to their mountain hideout, only for their leader, Balthazar (Harry Dean Stanton), to reveal that his clan of moles, prairie dogs and others greatly outnumbers the posse. Nabbing the covered wagon water-bottle, the posse flees, chased in a ground and air fight before discovering the bottle is empty. Despite the robbers professing that they’d discovered it empty, the posse returns them to town for trial.
After Rango and Beans deduce that the Mayor has been buying all the nearby land around, Rango recalls the mayor telling him how controlling water equals control of everything. He confronts the mayor, who denies he has done anything wrong and shows Rango that he is building a modern city on the old land. With no proof of the mayor’s wrongdoing, Rango leaves, while the mayor orders one of his men to call Rattlesnake Jake (Bill Nighy) — who soon arrives, firing shots with his gatling gun tail. Recognizing that Rango is a fake, Jake runs him out of town after humiliating him and making him admit that everything he told the town about himself is a lie.
Ashamed and no longer knowing who he is, Rango wanders the desert and in a daze meets the Spirit of the West (Timothy Olyphant), a cowboy whom Rango calls the Man with No Name. The Spirit inspires Rango and tells him, “No man can walk out on his own story.” With the aid of Roadkill and mystical moving cacti, Rango learns the source of Dirt’s water is Las Vegas, and that someone has shut off a water line. Realizing the mayor’s hand in this, Rango recruits the hill clan in his plan.
Returning to town, he calls out Jake for a duel — a diversion so that the hill folk and the cacti can flood the town with water. The mayor threatens Beans’ life, forcing Rango to surrender. The two are put into the bank vault to drown, while the mayor prepares to shoot Jake, whom he calls a relic. However, Rango manages to take the only bullet from the gun and uses it to break the door of the vault, flooding the room and taking out the mayor and his men. Jake, acknowledging Rango as a worthy opponent for saving his life, grabs the mayor and drags him into the desert to take his revenge. The citizens of Dirt celebrate the return of the water and acknowledge Rango as their hero.
Throughout the film, an owl mariachi band provides commentary that breaks the fourth wall. They have a running gag in which they constantly say that Rango will die at some point, though it never happens.

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Doom (2005)

Yura Shkimba — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 15:49:29 +0000

Review

On Mars in the year 2046, in the Union Aerospace Corporation (UAC) Olduvai Research Facility, scientists are attacked and pulled into the darkness by an unseen monster. Doctor Carmack (Robert Russell) transmits a warning about a Level 5 security breach before the door behind him is torn open. He turns around and sees something through the gap.
On Earth, a team of eight Marines known as the RRTS (Rapid Response Tactical Squad) are preparing to go on leave. Their leave is cancelled when the squad leader, Sarge (Dwayne Johnson), receives new orders. Contact with Olduvai has been lost and the RRTS is being sent to investigate. The Mars station is quarantined and the 85 UAC employees on Mars are not allowed to return to Earth. As the men suit up, Sarge pulls aside John “Reaper” Grimm (Karl Urban) and asks him not to go because Reaper’s sister is on the station. Reaper suits up anyway, and their team is deployed to Mars via a teleportation device called the “Ark”, located at Area 51. The Ark was discovered in 2026, and scientists have been studying it. The team meets an early victim of the Ark system, Pinky (Dexter Fletcher), who “went to one galaxy while his ass went to another” during an Ark teleportation event (his lower torso is now a two-wheeled engine resembling a Segway). They meet up with Dr. Samantha Grimm (Rosamund Pike), Reaper’s sister.
Their mission is simple: eliminate the threat, secure the facility and retrieve UAC property. Reaper converses with his sister and learns that they discovered humanoid remains on Mars that contain a 24th chromosome, making the creatures superhuman, invulnerable to disease and with the ability to rapidly heal injuries. The team locates Carmack, who is deranged to the point of tearing off his own ear. They return him to the lab and Grimm tries sedating him. The Marines explore the facility, encountering creatures intent on killing them. An Imp slays Goat (Ben Daniels) before being killed and brought to Grimm. Blood samples taken from two hostile creatures reveal that they were human. Grimm determines that their genetics have been altered by the addition of the Martian chromosome; however, the chromosome seems to “choose” whether it causes the person to be superhuman or a monster, apparently able to determine on a genetic level whether a person has the capacity to be evil. The chromosome is spread by the projectile tongues of those infected. The Marines discover that Carmack deliberately injected the chromosome into an “evil” subject (prisoner Curtis Stahl, a multiple murderer), who later transformed and broke loose.
Multiple attacks by the Hell Knight monster kill Mac, Destroyer and Portman, reducing the squad to Sarge, Reaper, The Kid (Al Weaver), and Duke (Raz Adoti). The surviving team realize that the Hell Knight has escaped through the Ark to the Earth due to Pinky’s refusal to trigger a grenade Mac left with him to destroy the Ark. Sarge takes the Bio Force Gun, dubbing it the “Big Fucking Gun”.
The group finds the UAC facility on Earth full of corpses. Sarge orders his men to kill anything alive in order to prevent the infection from spreading. The Kid finds a group of non-infected humans, and Sarge kills him for insubordination when he refuses to kill them. Pinky reappears, aiming a pistol at Sarge, but is dragged off by the Hell Knight.
Zombies attack, killing Duke and dragging Sarge through a malfunctioning bulletproof screen. Reaper is hit by a ricochet. To save his life, Grimm injects Reaper with Chomosome 24. Instead of becoming a monster, Reaper awakens as a superhuman with enhanced strength and healing abilities.
Following Reaper’s transformation and the discovery that Grimm is missing, the movie takes on a first-person shooter perspective. Within a few minutes, Reaper slays an array of monsters, including the Hell Knight and Pinky, who has mutated into a Demon.
Switching back to a standard camera angle, Reaper emerges at the facility’s exit. Bodies are scattered everywhere, and a melted blue hole in the wall, the mark of a BFG blast, is still cooling. Reaper encounters Sarge and an unconscious Grimm lying on the floor. Reaper asks Sarge what happened to the non-infected survivors, to which he replies that he killed them. Reaper notices the same injury on Sarge that Carmack had before he turned into an Imp, something Sarge has been hiding. After a badly injured Grimm crawls to safety, the Marines face off. As he holds Reaper against the wall Sarge begins transforming, developing features such as a prominent skull structure, sharp teeth and red eyes. Reaper throws Sarge into the Ark, followed by a grenade. Sarge and the Ark are obliterated. Reaper retrieves Grimm, who is conscious but unable to walk, and holds her in his arms as he returns to the Earth’s surface.

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_dCZkTDCpw[/youtube]

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Gridiron Gang (2006)

Yura Shkimba — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 15:46:20 +0000

Review

Sean Porter (Dwayne Johnson) works at Kilpatrick Detention Center in Los Angeles. Frustrated at not being able to help the kids get away from their problems in life, such as street gangs and drug dealings, he decides to create a football team so the kids can feel like they’re part of something. Porter believes that football will teach the teenage inmates what it takes to be responsible, mature, and winners. He picks out a few kids in the room that he feels will benefit from this program and requires that they practice with him the following day. He states to his new team, the Kilpatrick Mustangs, “You are all losers, But if you stick with the program you could all be winners at the end.” Two of the teens do not get along because they are from rival gangs. Willie Weathers (Jade Yorker) is from the 88’s and Kelvin Owens (David Thomas) is from the 95’s. The first game is against the best team in the league, Barrington. The game starts out somewhat positive for the Mustangs, as they recover a fumble on the first drive, but things quickly turn. They are demolished by Barrington, losing by 38 points. After starting 0-2, the Mustangs start winning games as they learn to work together. Kelvin and Willie finally shake each others’ hands when they win a game by one touchdown after Kelvin makes a big block for Willie. Near the end of the season, the Mustangs are headed for the playoffs. They are getting more publicity and more fans along the way.
One of Willie’s 88 gang mate named Free stops by the field. He realizes that Kelvin is a 95. Free and Kelvin get into a fight, and Free pulls out a gun and shoots Kelvin in the shoulder. As Free prepares to put another bullet in Kelvin’s head, Willie runs toward his old gang-mate and tackles him to the ground to save Kelvin. Free is shocked that Willie helped Kelvin and not him. Then the police show up, and Free runs off. He fires at the responding officers who return fire, killing him. Although Kelvin survives the attack, he will not be able to play in the finals. In the next game ironically against Barrington, the team that beat them by 38 points earlier in the season the Mustangs go into the half down 14-0. Willie gives a motivational speech, and they go out and beat Barrington on the last play of the game. It is revealed in the narration that they lost the championship game, but no one called them losers. A few months later, Sean’s football method is officially made part of the program.
Nearly all the kids who were on the Mustangs are now somewhere doing good things. Willie Weathers is playing football for a top boarding school, Kelvin Owens is playing football for Washington High, Kenny Bates is living back with his mother, Junior Palaita is working for a furniture company. Unfortunately, five are back in jail, and Bug Wendall was killed in a drive by shooting in Compton.

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm8vVSUnUWs[/youtube]

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Southland Tales (2006)

Yura Shkimba — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 15:42:34 +0000

Review

El Paso and Abilene, Texas have fallen victim to twin nuclear attacks on July 4, 2005—a catastrophe of unimaginable proportions which has sent America into World War III. The PATRIOT Act has extended authority to a new agency known as US-IDent, which keeps constant tabs on citizens—even to the extent of censoring the Internet and using fingerprints in order to access computers and bank accounts. In order to be able to respond to a newfound fuel shortage in the wake of global warfare, the German company Treer designs a generator of inexhaustible energy which is propelled by ocean currents, called “Fluid Karma”. Unbeknownst to anyone but its inventor Baron von Westphalen (Wallace Shawn) and his closest associates, the generators alter the currents and cause the Earth to slow its rotation, and the transmission of the energy to portable receivers (via quantum entanglement) is ripping holes in the fabric of space and time.
In Los Angeles, a city on the brink of chaos overshadowed by the growth of the underground neo-Marxist movement, the film follows the criss-crossed destinies of Boxer Santaros (Dwayne Johnson), an action film actor stricken with amnesia; Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar), ex-porn star in the midst of creating a reality TV show; and twin brothers Roland and Ronald Taverner (both played by Seann William Scott), whose destinies—on one evening—become intertwined with that of all mankind. The twins are announced to be the same person by the engineers of Treer. Boxer becomes the most wanted man in the world with political ties. The future seems to be put in his hands.

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtp14ikRvxo[/youtube]

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The Game Plan (2007)

Yura Shkimba — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 10:31:00 +0000

Review

The last game of the regular football season between the Boston Rebels and the New York Dukes ends in a touchdown by Rebels quarterback Joe Kingman (Dwayne Johnson) after he runs it into the end zone, ignoring an open wide receiver, Sanders (Morris Chestnut). The next morning, Kingman gets a surprise when an 8-year-old girl named Peyton Kelly (Madison Pettis) shows up at his doorstep saying that she is his daughter and that her mother sent her here to meet him. Kingman’s agent, Stella Peck (Kyra Sedgwick), thinks this will be bad for his image and distracts him with the upcoming playoffs.
At the opening of Kingman’s restaurant, he leaves without Peyton, and the next morning is on cover of a tabloid in a magazine article. As a result, Peck decides Kingman needs a new fatherly image. Later, at a press conference, the reporters make Kingman miserable, until Peyton starts speaking and says that he is new to this and is trying the best he can, and that she thinks he is the best father in the world. To pay her forward for clearing his image at the press conference, Peyton has Kingman take her to a ballet academy run by Monique Vasquez (Roselyn Sanchez). Vasquez has Kingman join their ballet performance to show him that ballet takes just as much athletic ability as football. Kingman and Peyton begin their relationship after Peyton calls his arrogant and selfish behavior to his attention. Kingman takes Peyton and her friends to the mall where he begins to get along with Vasquez.
The Rebels eventually make it to the championship game and Stella tells Kingman that if he wins, he will be offered a $25 million endorsement with Fanny’s Burgers, a successful fast food restaurant run by Samuel Blake Jr (Robert Torti). While at lunch with Peyton and Vasquez, Peyton accidentally tells Kingman that her mother does not know that she is with him, and that she was supposed to go to a ballet school program this month, but she ran away to be with him. He gets upset at her, and she has an allergic reaction to the nuts in the dessert, causing Kingman to rush her to the hospital for treatment. The doctors tell Kingman that she is going to be fine, while his former sister-in-law and Peyton’s legal guardian, Karen Kelly (Paige Turco), arrives. Kingman comes to realize that Sara (Kathryn Fiore), Kingman’s ex-wife and Peyton’s mother, had died in a car accident six months ago. After overhearing Peck explaining that Peyton would be a distraction to Kingman, Karen and Peyton return home, leaving a miserable Kingman behind, following that night, Spike (Kingman’s dog) find Peyton’s bag under her bed, inside, Kingman found some photos and a letter from Sara, saying that she hid Peyton away from Kingman because she’s afraid that Peyton will only become a distraction for him. As the championship game begins, Kingman’s thoughts keep drifting back to Peyton, and he is distracted from performing well. He is injured near the end of the first quarter, causing him to be rushed to the locker room as a result.
However, he is surprised to discover that Peyton has arrived with Karen. Peyton tells him to never give up. Near the end of the fourth quarter, Kingman passes the ball to the running back, Webber (Brian J. White), who gains positive yardage but fails to get out of bounds so the clock continues to run. Kingman rushes to call a final play and successfully does so. With no time left on the clock, he scrambles for a few yards but as he is being hit he throws a lob pass to Sanders who catches the pass, and the Rebels win their first championship. When being interviewed after the game, Joe announces that he will take his daughter home, thus ignoring the endorsement with Fanny’s Burgers, saying that he would rather stay with Peyton. The film ends with Kingman, Peyton, and Vasquez dancing together in Kingman’s apartment to Burning Love.

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okZ4S4yjvlw[/youtube]

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